by Ron
When I watch Shark Tank, I’ve often heard Mark Cuban say, ‘Read the room’
to a person who is frustrated and trying to figure out his next step. However, it is
clear to the others in the room that the bargaining has ended.
I was a Canadian in Central Africa. I was a missionary pastor joining Congolese
pastors at a conference. It was time for the afternoon break, and we all went
outside to stretch our legs and get some fresh air. As I strolled and casually talked
with a friend, he reached down and took my hand. I froze. I’ve never before walked
hand in hand with an adult man. My gut reaction was to remove my hand. A slower
reasoning response was to consider what message this is conveying – if I continue,
what message; if I withdraw my hand, what message?
Then I started to read the room. There were various couples of men strolling hand
in hand around us. I relaxed – this must be what men friends can do in this culture
without any sexual connotation. My Canadian hand was still in great discomfort,
but as a Kingdom messenger, I was trying to learn and fit into my new culture – I
had to pay the price of this discomfort. What was the message – well, I was now
considered an insider, one of them. I felt happy about that.
What else do I learn when reading the room?
- With whom can I shake hands? I came out of a North African airport, and
a group of workers (three men and one woman) met me; men reached out
to shake my hand and welcome me. I put my hand out towards the woman,
and she put her hand up to her heart and said we don’t shake hands in this
culture. I felt shame for not already knowing this. Men don’t touch women
in certain cultures. That lesson stands me in good stead now with my Muslim
women friends in Canada. - How should I dress? In one country where I worked, I had an American
colleague who just dressed in old jeans and work boots. We both worked
with African pastors. They viewed the ministry as a profession and dressed
accordingly, often in a dress shirt with a topcoat, never jeans and always well polished dress shoes. In my mind, his dress seemed to belittle our profession.
In most of the African countries I’ve lived in, even with 30+C heat, men would
rarely, if ever, wear short pants in public. Shorts were for the evenings with
a T-shirt at home. “I have the freedom to dress how I want.” Well, not really; if you want to
fit in and be taken seriously in another culture with its standards that you
need to discover – read the room. - Do I take my shoes off in this house, this church,
this building? What do you see around you? - Where should I sit at a meal table? Don’t quickly
grab the nearest chair; read the room, and watch the
host. He may look around at the guests and place them in some order closest
to where he sits at the head of the table; it could be an age preference, older
closer to head, or most senior visitor closest. Stand back until invited to sit. - Why does the waiter keep filling my glass with water? I’m no longer thirsty.
Read the room. The waiter’s job is to fill glasses. If a person doesn’t want to
drink more, he leaves the glass full. - With which hand do I give something to another person, or does it make a
difference? Read the room. In some settings, it is impolite to use your left hand.
Book
Serving with Eyes Wide Open: Doing Short-Term Missions with
Cultural Intelligence by David Livermore, published by Baker
Publishing Group, 2006
GVAcademy 