Will They Recognize You?

by Rebecca

In my early twenties, I had a number of friends who had grown up in the church who became disillusioned with the church, frustrated that the church was filled people they labeled hypocrites.  I was so frustrated because it seemed obvious to me that the church should be filled with hypocrites – we were all sinners in need of a Saviour and try as we might, we were going to mess up.  Why wasn’t this as obvious to them?

Fast forward a decade – I arrive on the field and find that conflict is very present among the missionary community.  I’ve known this in theory.  I’ve heard the statement that the primary reason missionaries leave the field is due to interpersonal conflict.  I shouldn’t have been surprised and yet jumping into it, and experiencing it first hand, I felt betrayed.  Disappointed.  Frustrated.  These people had given up their comfortable lives elsewhere in the world and had come to the middle of nowhere to serve Jesus and yet they couldn’t play nicely together?  If we can’t even get along with each other, then why even be here?  It was tempting to be disillusioned with missions and the fallen people who respond to the title ‘missionaries.’

In hindsight these lessons seem obvious, but I have learned two things about conflict and missions.  One, expect conflict – it’s bound to happen thanks to our fallen natures and you can save yourself a lot of pain and angst by not having to grieve the disappoint of its pervasive presence while also processing the conflict itself.  Two – decide ahead of time how you will handle conflict. Have some Biblically-based guidelines as to how you will behave when you find yourself either in conflict or an affected bystander of someone else’s conflict.  When your heart is breaking because of pain of conflict, you will already have made the decision of how you will respond.

Early on, we found ourselves in the midst of conflict borne out of unmet expectations and as we spoke with our leadership about it and sought their counsel, we learned about the idea of “forming, storming and norming” – a natural process that happens any time a team grows or changes.  As our leadership predicted, we had the opportunity to sit down and share our hearts with our teammates and they shared theirs. We were able to understand each others perspective, move forward and go deeper in our relationship with one another. Now they are some of our closest friends here. It was a good lesson to learn that conflict is beneficial when it is productive.  So, don’t shy away from it. If you find yourself in conflict, harness it to move to a deeper place of understanding. Seek to understand, to be understood and to forgive.

Unfortunately, not all conflict will be resolved and it feels like it doesn’t serve a purpose, other than to hurt those involved as well as innocent bystanders. The missions community is often a small one and conflict easily spills over and negatively impacts those caught in-between.  Being the observer is a difficult place to be and it has been in these moments that I wish that I had really spent time ahead of time thinking about how I will behave in light of the conflict.  It is so easy to get caught up in anger over the injustice.  It’s easy to take sides and view the opposing side as un-Christ-like in their behaviour. We all too easily fall into the trap of discussing it with the other bystanders, hashing out the public pieces of the conflict and questioning the integrity of at least one of the involved parties. Obviously, this is not productive – or Christ-like.

We have been commanded to live in unity. Psalm 133:1 tells us “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Paul’s letters in the New Testament are filled with encouragements to live in unity, to be of one mind, to strive for peace.  It can feel dumbfounding that those who have committed their lives to sharing the gospel to all people just cannot seem to follow these seemingly simple commands with fellow believers. I know I have found the conflict I have witnessed here heartbreaking and there are days it makes me what to pack it in and move home.

My advice?  Decide before you board your plane that you will strive to be a peacemaker. Ask our Father in Heaven each day to make you an instrument of peace.  Place reminders around your home to make every effort to be unified with your teammates and with the other believers you work with.  Learn how to manage conflict well and to express expectations clearly.  Be quick to forgive.

Long before you are able to articulate the gospel message or pray eloquently in your new language, you will be able to demonstrate Christ’s love to the lost around you (who are watching you more closely than you may think) simply by living in peace and unity with the other workers you find yourself living in community with.  A unified body of believers is an incredibly strong witness of the One who has sent you. Our actions will always speak louder than our words, so let’s not drown them out.

“This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples – when they see the love you have for each other.” John 13:35  Put yourself in the shoes of the lost you’ve come to witness to and ask yourself, “Will they recognize me?”